Date: 9th August 2001

Time: 16:42

It’s been a really shitty week, full of screw-ups, that’s the only way I can describe it. A lot’s happened but I’m afraid I can’t tell you what right now. But I will, soon, when everything’s sorted out.

Sometimes I wish I could just switch off, mentally, emotionally, just for one day. I need to recuperate all my senses, because I feel so bloody drained. It feels like everything is being sucked out of me. There are exams to revise for and assignments to complete and the uncertainty of the future. I’ve decided to do an MA in English literature, but where do I go after that. I know that at times the uncertain future can be intriguing, but then again I’m not exactly about to embark on the trip around the world, so I don’t really have that adventure to look forward to. But then I remind myself; for god’s sake at least you’ve got a half-promising future ahead of you, just to drag myself from the brinks of complete self-destruction.

I need a holiday; I need to save myself from myself. At least I do at this moment in time. I think I just need to get away from it all, just for a while, so I can remember who I am and what I want. Jesus this sound so Oprha Winfrey. But come on, you know what I mean don’t you, sometimes when stuff doesn’t seem to be going your way no matter how hard you try, and you think what the hell’s this all about anyway, I want to get off this train and get on a boat sailing around the world? Well that’s how I’m feeling right now; but I’m sure that in a couple of months time this anxiety, this anger will pass and I’ll get back to relative normality. Whatever the hell that is.